1 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,850 You missed a spot. 2 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,522 ALF.. 3 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,793 ...I'd like to hear about it one more time. 4 00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:29,294 Don't torture yourself, Willie. 5 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,363 - Please. Just once more. - Don't! 6 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,399 Why'd you flood the house? 7 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,068 I wanted to make a skating rink. 8 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,839 And how are you planning to freeze the water? 9 00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,476 By turning the air conditioner on high. 10 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,247 I'd like to hear about it one more time. 11 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,381 Just one more, come on. 12 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,583 This is not a Bergman movie, Willie. 13 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:54,053 It's fairly cut and dried. 14 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,488 Water, air conditioner 15 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,891 holiday on ice. 16 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,028 Ah. I'm gonna go for a little while. 17 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:06,565 I'm gonna, uh, rent a pump for the basement. 18 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,634 Just tell me one more time, just one more-- 19 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,336 Willie, go rent your pump. 20 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:15,140 Now, I'm going to rent.. 21 00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,842 ...a pump! 22 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,513 What was all that about? 23 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,416 [telephone ringing] 24 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,585 Your two dimes. 25 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,320 (male 'Gordon Shumway?' 26 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,056 Speaking. Who's this? 27 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:34,593 This is someone who knows you're an alien. 28 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,199 And if you don't pay me $3000 by Friday 29 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,302 I'm gonna turn you in to the authorities. 30 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,638 Ah, the number you have reached is not in service. 31 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,875 Please hang up and dial again. 32 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,577 Don't get cute. 33 00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:52,845 I'll call you back tomorrow morning 34 00:01:52,847 --> 00:01:55,481 with more details, pinhead. 35 00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:01,053 Oh. Okay. 36 00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,821 Don't panic. 37 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,691 Willie will help you. He always helps you. 38 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,262 I'm dog food. 39 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,131 [squealing] 40 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:16,635 [theme music] 41 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,668 [music continues] 42 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,696 [instrumental music] 43 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,666 Willie, have you noticed 44 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,501 that ALF's been acting strange lately? 45 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:25,103 Yeah. It's going on three years now. 46 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,005 I mean, like last night when he apologized 47 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,541 for every bad thing he's done since he got here. 48 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,710 Alphabetically. 49 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,680 [sighs] I get lost between drain cloggage 50 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,182 and drywall damage. 51 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:38,817 Well, I guess you missed the part where he confessed 52 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,687 to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby. 53 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:42,888 [knock on door] 54 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,591 (Trevor) 'Hey, Tanners, it's me!' 55 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,865 - Morning. - Good morning. I'll take it. 56 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:57,269 - Take what? - Your house. 57 00:03:57,271 --> 00:04:01,240 "House for sale, $4000." 58 00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:03,942 - You found that on our lawn? - Yeah. 59 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,011 I can let you have 100 bucks up front 60 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,747 if you'll finance the rest. 61 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,916 Well, that's very generous of you, Trevor, but.. 62 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,118 [chuckles] ...I think there's been a mistake. 63 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:17,489 Okay, I'll let you have 4100 and your lawn mower back. 64 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,425 But that's my final offer. 65 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,161 No. I mean, uh, we're not selling-- 66 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:27,299 Someone must've put that on our lawn as a kind of prank. 67 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,502 Oh, it's too bad. 68 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,104 This place would've made a nice summer home 69 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,106 for me and Raquel. 70 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:43,582 Captain's log, Stardate 2525. 71 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,917 Man, I'm still alive. 72 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,787 I'm now attempting to earn the blackmail money 73 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,356 by recycling soda cans. 74 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,359 Oh, ALF! 75 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,695 What are you doing? 76 00:04:56,697 --> 00:05:00,365 Tempting diabetes. You? 77 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:04,069 Why did you drink every can of soda in the house? 78 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,571 Currently, I'm recycling cans. 79 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,975 In a short while, I'll be recycling soda. 80 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:13,345 Let me have a crack at him. 81 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,814 What's the meaning of this? 82 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,384 I figured we could use some extra cash. 83 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,654 ALF, is there some reason other than the extensive water damage 84 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,656 why we should sell our house as quickly 85 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,826 and as inexpensively as possible? 86 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,295 I just thought it would be a good idea. 87 00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,897 You never know when you're gonna have to pay off 88 00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,733 some extortionist. 89 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,235 [laughing] 90 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,905 Okay, let-let me guess. 91 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,007 You need money for some reason? 92 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,675 - Good morning. - Morning. 93 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,945 - No. No, not so far. - What's going on? 94 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:50,215 We're in the process of ascertaining that right now. 95 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,118 I would've told you yesterday. 96 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,354 But I was waiting for the carpets to dry out 97 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,988 and you to calm down. 98 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,391 ALF, would've told us what? 99 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:03,729 This hoodlum called and put the squeeze on me. 100 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,964 He says he knows I'm an alien 101 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,800 and if I don't pay him $3000 102 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,503 he'll turn me in! 103 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,672 Woe is me. 104 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,375 Woe is me. 105 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:22,414 If you leave now, you could beat the lines at the bank. 106 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,983 Ask for small, unmarked bills 107 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:28,420 that's standard blackmailing procedure. 108 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:32,924 ALF, you don't really expect us to buy this story, do you? 109 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,060 You don't believe me! 110 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,763 I don't think it was a blackmailer, ALF. 111 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:41,166 I think it was probably just a crank call. 112 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,702 Did the voice sound familiar? 113 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:46,204 Well, first I thought it might be Kate 114 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,473 but the voice wasn't high enough. 115 00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,809 Then I thought it might be Kate's mother 116 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:53,211 but the voice wasn't low enough. 117 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,882 You suspected one of us? 118 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,050 Well, you have the most to gain. 119 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,919 - I cost you tons of money. - Oh. 120 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,555 You have no life of your own. 121 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,590 Privacy is nil. 122 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,692 And I'm shutting up now. 123 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,162 - I didn't tell anyone. - None of us did. 124 00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,464 And it wasn't my mother either. 125 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:16,535 Well, I know that. The voice wasn't snarly enough. 126 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:20,505 Wasn't nasty and vile enough. 127 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,507 Don't push it. 128 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:30,348 Did the extortionist say anything else? 129 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:34,186 Yeah, he said he'd call me back later this morning, pinhead. 130 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,989 I beg your pardon? 131 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,058 That's what he called me. 132 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,728 I would never call you a pinhead. 133 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,931 Not to your face. 134 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,266 Wait. 135 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:51,102 If this blackmailer asked you for $3000 136 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,672 why were you selling our house for 4000? 137 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:57,309 I figured you guys should get something out of it. 138 00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:01,580 I can help. I have ten dollars and 32 cents in my piggy bank. 139 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,815 No, you don't. 140 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,351 We'll talk about it later. 141 00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:09,354 [instrumental music] 142 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,326 [telephone rings] 143 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,930 (ALF on recorder) 'Hi, this is Gordon Shumway.' 144 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,267 'I'm dead right now, please leave your name, address' 145 00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:24,202 'and extortion demands at the beep.' 146 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,705 'And I'll get back to you probably never.' 147 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,674 'As I said, I'm dead.' 148 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,377 (Willie on phone) 'ALF, pick up the phone.' 149 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:39,084 ALF, if you're there, answer. 150 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,221 - Willie? - 'Yeah.' 151 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:46,224 Oh-oh. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Let me turn this off. 152 00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:49,961 What-what are you doing? 153 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:53,131 I'm trying to trace all incoming phone calls. 154 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,234 And I'm also eating potato chips. 155 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,470 Stop fooling around with the phone, will you? 156 00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:01,907 Uh, tell Kate that I'll be late for supper. 157 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:04,175 Oh, sure. Don't worry about me. 158 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,444 I'm only the blackmailee. 159 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:12,517 Did the alleged man call you back yet? 160 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,553 Well, not exactly. 161 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:18,857 Then it doesn't seem to me that you're being blackmailed. 162 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,293 - Oh, and, ALF. - Yeah? 163 00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:24,930 - 'Change the message.' - Okay, bye. 164 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,472 Hello? This is the Tanner residence. 165 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:38,410 If you called to terrorize anyone here you're too late. 166 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,145 So why don't you just shrivel up and die 167 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:43,315 you scummy pile of meatloaf slag. 168 00:09:43,317 --> 00:09:45,550 Please wait for the beep. 169 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,553 [instrumental music] 170 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,328 - Hi, ALF. - Aah! 171 00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,765 Sorry. 172 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,369 I saw your light on. You can't sleep? 173 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,104 How do you expect me to sleep? 174 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,074 In 24 hours, I'm gonna be hamburger helper. 175 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,445 Would you stop the ground meat metaphors? 176 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,481 Nobody's gonna turn you in to the authorities. 177 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,817 You don't believe me either, do you, Lynn? 178 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,186 Tsk. It's not that I don't believe you. 179 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:25,590 It's just that you have a tendency to...overstate. 180 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,159 Do not, do not, do not. 181 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,030 Look, you said this guy was going to call you back 182 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,132 this morning. Did he? 183 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,634 - No. - No. 184 00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,535 A-and you said he told you something terrible 185 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,438 was gonna happen if you didn't pay him off. 186 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,674 - Did it? - Well, no. 187 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:46,011 See, you were all worried for nothing. 188 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:51,449 You know, if mom and dad really thought you were in danger 189 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,752 they'd do something about it. 190 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,823 So why don't you just get some sleep, okay? 191 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,359 Okay. I'll see you in the morning. 192 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:04,496 - Okay. Goodnight. - Night, Lynn. 193 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,668 Don't worry about me. 194 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,304 If you need me, I'll be up here overreacting. 195 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,508 [telephone ringing] 196 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,249 - Hello? - 'Gordon Shumway?' 197 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,653 - Yes. - You got the money? 198 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,221 Um, oh, I'm working on it. 199 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,757 Who should I make the check out to? 200 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:35,427 Nice try, pinhead. 201 00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:37,195 But you better come up with the cash 202 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,799 or it's too bad about the Tanners. 203 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,635 'They're gonna be in a lot of trouble for keeping you.' 204 00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:46,538 But I guess a little jail time never hurt anyone. 205 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,940 [laughing] 206 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,809 [dial tone] 207 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,980 When the going gets tough 208 00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:58,183 the tough get going. 209 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,219 And so do I. 210 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,222 [instrumental music] 211 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,358 [pounding on door] 212 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,531 - Just a minute! - I don't like this, Willie. 213 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,867 Even Trevor doesn't come over this late. 214 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,836 Just...just wait here. 215 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,270 [pounding continues] 216 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,073 - Who is it? - 'Immigration.' 217 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,850 - Are you William Tanner? - Yes. 218 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,486 I'm Lee Frazer with Immigration Service. 219 00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:37,422 We've been informed that you're keeping an alien here. 220 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,491 - What? - Yes, sir. 221 00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:44,596 - An undocumented resident. - Oh, Willie! 222 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,766 I think they mean an illegal alien. 223 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:51,970 Right. It's illegal for us to arrest legal aliens. 224 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,638 [Kate laughing] 225 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,609 Well, there are no aliens, illegal or otherwise here. 226 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:59,410 Mind if we check? 227 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,247 Well, do you mind if I see a search warrant? 228 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,250 [groans] 229 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,255 - What's going on? - Are we busted? 230 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:13,758 - No. - Maybe. 231 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,495 Uh, they're-they're looking for illegal aliens! 232 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,632 Human illegal aliens! 233 00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,735 Who may be hiding somewhere in our house! 234 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,505 You have a basement or attic? 235 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:30,275 Well, w-we just fumigated the attic. 236 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:33,011 The fumes are, ha, ha, really bad. 237 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,380 We could get you a fan if you really need to go up there. 238 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,183 Thanks. That won't be necessary. 239 00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,552 He's in the attic. 240 00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,788 Where is it? 241 00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:53,832 What are we going to do? They're gonna find ALF! 242 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,734 - We've got to warn him. - How can, how can we warn him? 243 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,603 There's only one way up to the attic. 244 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:02,674 - What's this? - Looks like a note from ALF. 245 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,576 A note from ALF. 246 00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,711 "Dear family, my imaginary blackmailer 247 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,847 "called again tonight and threatened to send you all 248 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:12,584 "to the imaginary slammer if I don't pay up. 249 00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:15,353 "I would rather be turned into cream chip beef 250 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,923 "than to see you go to jail because of me. 251 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,359 "You're welcome. 252 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,962 "Anyway, I had to take.. 253 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,431 ...the car." 254 00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,536 "Tell Willie to calm down. 255 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,273 "I'll leave the car on Highway 71 256 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,609 "just outside Edwards Air Force Base. 257 00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:40,845 Don't worry, nobody will want to steal it." 258 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,715 ALF's joining the air force? 259 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,951 That's where the Alien Task Force is. 260 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:49,387 He took the car. 261 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,259 [instrumental music] 262 00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:01,432 Oh, greetings, members of the Alien Task Force 263 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,635 please don't kill me. 264 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,438 Too on the nose. Oh. 265 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,208 Dear Alien Task Force members 266 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,077 uh, spare my life and I can offer you 267 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,713 untold technological secrets. 268 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:18,416 Like how to program your VCR. 269 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,254 Alright, how about this? 270 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,756 Alright, look, you guys 271 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:28,226 before you dissect me I'd like to say one thing.. 272 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,894 ...don't! 273 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,764 Better, better. Honesty is the best policy. 274 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,669 [instrumental music] 275 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,942 Who lives...in the attic? 276 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,212 Nobody. 277 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:51,983 We just found the remnants of about 50 TV dinners up there. 278 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,619 Care to comment? 279 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:59,023 We hoard. Don't we, dear? 280 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,459 Hmm? We're hoarders. 281 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,997 What made you think we had an illegal alien? 282 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,599 His name turned up on a mailing list. 283 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,601 Our computers red-flagged it when they couldn't match it 284 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,870 to a Social Security number. 285 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,739 But who brought this to your attention? 286 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,709 What difference does that make, pinhead? 287 00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,879 So...where is he? 288 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:28,619 Look...I can make a lotta trouble for you. 289 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,558 Since you didn't find anyone I'm gonna have to ask you 290 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,961 and Darryl and Darryl to leave. 291 00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:40,598 This isn't over. 292 00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:46,304 Pinhead, isn't that what ALF said 293 00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,405 the blackmailer called him? 294 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,475 Yes. Yes, it's getting very clear. 295 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,610 ALF really was being blackmailed. 296 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,747 Oh, honey, the poor little guy must be terrified. 297 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:58,416 Dad, what if something happens to him? 298 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:02,487 And I yelled at him for taking my ten dollars and 32 cents. 299 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,023 - Okay, let's go. - Well, wait, wait! 300 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,991 We have no car. 301 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,694 I know even I don't usually come over this late 302 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:13,798 but I heard the commotion. Who are the suits? 303 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,934 Oh, just a couple of gentlemen from immigration. 304 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:20,071 - Oh, I understand. - No, you don't. 305 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,806 My cousin's a lawyer. 306 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,274 Call this number 307 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,744 and ask for an inmate 2-4-6-0-1. 308 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:31,883 - Trevor, can we borrow the car? - Again? 309 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,185 What's wrong with yours this time? 310 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,753 What was the reason before? 311 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,190 Somebody filled your gas tank with malted milk balls. 312 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,626 Same problem. Thanks. 313 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,196 Hey, Willie, don't worry! 314 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,900 This immigration thing will be our own little secret! 315 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,037 [instrumental music] 316 00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:04,115 [door creaking] 317 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,150 Hello? 318 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,119 Anyone in here? 319 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,089 I, uh.. 320 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:15,159 ...I ran out of gas just down the road. 321 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,095 Hello? 322 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,464 [sniffs] 323 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,166 Interesting aroma. 324 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:25,403 Oh, hey, I don't suppose you have a key to the house. 325 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,071 I need to use the phone. 326 00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:29,407 [mooing] 327 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,942 Sorry. 328 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,580 Well, I guess I can relate to you. 329 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,516 We're all prisoners in one way or another. 330 00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,420 But must it be so? 331 00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,789 I cannot change my own destiny. 332 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,625 Maybe I could change yours. 333 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,527 Go! 334 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,395 Get along, little doggie. 335 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,599 - Yee-Haw! - ALF! 336 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,368 Willie, how did you find me? 337 00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:00,972 I saw the car parked down by the side of the road. 338 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,742 I followed the empty candy wrappers here. 339 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,878 Well, I was gonna pick them up on my way back. 340 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,314 They were to help me find the car. 341 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,316 What happened? 342 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:15,620 You neglected to fill the tank. 343 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:19,357 ALF, you don't have to turn yourself in. 344 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,958 I must. I must. 345 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,762 No, no. I know who's blackmailing you. 346 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,398 And he doesn't think you're an alien alien 347 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,202 he thinks that you're an illegal alien. 348 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:35,373 You mean I almost turned myself in because of semantics? 349 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:39,810 I almost turned myself in because of semantics! 350 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:44,015 ALF, uh, why did you.. 351 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,652 Why didn't you come to me before you did something this drastic? 352 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,153 I did come to you. 353 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:52,123 If you'll recall, you didn't believe me. 354 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,825 Oh, I know. I'm sorry, pal. 355 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,963 Besides, he threatened to have you guys arrested. 356 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,999 I thought I'd work through this myself. 357 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,970 ALF, what was the last thing you tried to do by yourself? 358 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,706 Build a skating rink in the living room. 359 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:13,211 Egad! A pattern. 360 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,713 We'd better get out of here before somebody sees you. 361 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,283 Okay, but wait. We can't leave my friend. 362 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,952 - Your friend? - Yeah. 363 00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:24,455 - I named her after your wife. - Kate? 364 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,123 Bossy. 365 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,661 Besides, you know what happens to them. 366 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:37,668 ALF...this is a milk cow. 367 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,304 They don't slaughter milk cows. 368 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,775 They don't? You lying cow! 369 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,678 Come on. Let's hit the trail, Willie Earp. 370 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,615 Somebody's coming. 371 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,516 I'll hide in the kitchen. 372 00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:56,287 - Where's the kitchen? - Just hide. 373 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,761 Who are you? 374 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,764 I'm Willie Tanner. I'm from the city. 375 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:11,235 - What are you doin' here? - Oh, well, I-I.. 376 00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:14,872 I know what you're doing. You're a chicken thief! 377 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,775 Oh, no, no, no, you see.. 378 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,343 I really hate thieves. 379 00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:22,913 They're always taking things that don't belong to 'em. 380 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,819 You win. 381 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:32,023 Well, look here. My car ran out of gas down the road. 382 00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:34,759 I was just wondering if maybe I could get some from you? 383 00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:37,194 Why didn't you say so? Sure. 384 00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:39,330 I can fill this up for ya, I got a tank. 385 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,365 Well, thank you. Thank you very much. 386 00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:43,567 Say, how much would you want for that? 387 00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:46,070 Oh! Twenty dollars. 388 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:50,074 Twenty dollars for a gallon of gas? 389 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,645 The nearest gas station is a four hour walk. 390 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,848 Kinda cold to be walking in jammies. 391 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,119 Thank you. I'll go fill this up for you. 392 00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:10,261 He was nice. Why didn't you tip him? 393 00:22:10,263 --> 00:22:13,197 - Just get back to the car. - Okay. Race you back to town. 394 00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,599 No, there's not gonna be any racing. 395 00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:18,602 Kate's gonna drive our car. I'm gonna take Trevor's. 396 00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,805 Okay. Just a second. 397 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:24,608 Bossy, it's been a pleasure. 398 00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:26,744 Take care of yourself and.. 399 00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:29,180 ...watch that cholesterol, huh? 400 00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:34,785 [instrumental music] 401 00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,691 Well? 402 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,760 Well, it looks like we were right. 403 00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,495 Frazier's supervisor at the INS 404 00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:46,897 said they've suspected him for a long time 405 00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:49,266 of shaking down illegal immigrants. 406 00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:52,470 Now, he's been suspended pending an investigation. 407 00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:53,704 Oh! Alright. 408 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:56,006 Well, I wish I would've been here. 409 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:59,810 I'd have realigned his front end. 410 00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:01,979 It just scares me to think how close you came 411 00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:04,849 to actually turning yourself in. 412 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:07,818 You saved my life, Willie. 413 00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,787 I'll never forget it. 414 00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,522 From now on.. 415 00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:14,125 ...you are my slave. 416 00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:17,428 So what else is new? 417 00:23:22,769 --> 00:23:25,970 [theme music] 418 00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:53,931 [mooing]